Heartfelt

I get this sometimes, 'why aren't you attached' or 'why are you still single'. I couldn't answer because I'm also curious myself and would like to know why too. It has been four years since I last committed into one, four years have just passed in a blink of an eye. Now, the question is why? Most of the time, the problem doesn't lie on others but myself. As we grow older, we tend to set higher expectations, not excluding me because I've to admit I've extremely insane high expectations of a partner. Besides that, trust is another issue. Sometimes I wonder just how much trust can I put in a person, will the person eventually turn out to be another closet monster or otherwise? It's not like I can't trust, I could but people just have to disappoint me like how they did in the past. Dramatic story lines you watched on the tv do happen in reality, they did happen to me. Whichever, whatever you can think of - being cheated, good friend ending up with an ex boyfriend, being a rebound (somehow I'm always a 'rebound girl') and etc, except the part whereby my partner has passed away due to some incurable disease. It's really upsetting how whenever I chose to open this heart of mine, someone, somebody will just choose to show me the worst facade of reality. I'd be lying if I've said I'm strong enough for all these, if I've said I'm used to all these because sometimes I just don't wanna be alone and sometimes I do sincerely wish that I can be in a relationship whereby people will get envious of, like 'omg they are so sweet'. Tonight's one of the rare nights I wish I'm not alone but I'll embrace it because I believe someday, everyone will be loved.