"It's not about finding someone who'll turn your rainy day into a sunny one. It's about being with someone who'll hide under the covers with you while the rain hits the window. Someone who'll play guitar badly to make you laugh and stop thinking about the awful weather outside. Someone who'll bake chocolate chip cookies with you when the storm lasts longer than expected, or simply hold your hand to make you feel safe. It's about finding someone who can make you forget about the rain just by looking into your eyes."
It has been two years - neither a short nor long period, that I've been used to being alone but not entirely used to it. When I see couples on the street, I feel envious. I would secretly drown myself in thoughts and can't help it but to wonder why can't I be in a situation like this where I can have someone to love and care about, vice versa. I wouldn't deny that sometimes I really want get myself attached - to have someone whom I can pour all my feelings to, someone who can hold me tight, someone who will always be there whenever I needed, someone who will treasure me as much as I do, someone who will make me feel so special... that someone.
Two years has passed in a blink of an eye. I actually had no idea my heart was capable of anything near what it has been through. Those lessons made me stronger and eventually my expectation gets higher. My friends, they would say, "there's no such person anymore or rather you'll have a tough time finding one". Tough time, maybe but I've always believed as long as I hold on to my hopes, these hopes won't fail me.
These two years, I've seen how many people who were so close eventually fell apart. They are no longer whom they used to be, no longer as close as before, or maybe strangers they have become. Those tormenting moments people have gone through and those heart-wrenching moments people have survived through. Sometimes I'll put myself in their shoes and think, "what would I've done if I were them, will I be able to do so?". Apparently I've no idea.
After two years, I'm still afraid. Yes who wouldn't be, if you're gonna get stabbed by someone in the heart emotionally? That's when I'll tell myself - even though I couldn't be much happier but at least there's nothing more to worry than before. You don't have to worry that your loved ones may not be whom they used to be because your current life and routines have become a norm. Nothing more, nothing less, the reason why singlehood will be a better way out sometimes.
